January 2008
59 posts
highlights of 2007
buying in for $20 and coming out with $160 at jordan’s poker game. eating the most expensive dinner of my life at daniel in nyc for elaine’s birthday. singing disney songs around the kitchen table at josh and ricky’s hamptons rental. shooting robert deniro: back in time with dutch west, our as-of-yet unaired series for superdeluxe. shooting brohemian rhapsody with collegehumor....
December 2007
117 posts
as soon as i got back from virginia, i fell into a reprise of my flu from earlier this month. i will most likely spend new years half asleep on the couch watching “weeds.” i feel profoundly sorry for myself.
1 tag
Wired calls "Internet Commenter Business Meeting"... →
i have some neat web design projects in the works but need a talented developer/programmer to see them through. please email me at samreich at gmail dot com.
ch has been nominated for a crunchie →
please vote!
mint →
is an online budgeting app. it was recommended to me by a friend. i’ve only just started to experiment with it, but thus far it seems very intuitive.
this concludes our xmas text experiment. thanks guys!
xmas text #21
ben gold: did you know that hitler had a dog named daisy?
me: i bet daisy was a pure bred.
xmas text #20
stranger: what about blowjobs? did you ever get that settled?
me: almost settled. almost... almost... there it is.
xmas text #19
stranger: who would you rather bed: veronica lake or eva marie saint?
me: saint veronica. after all, it's christmas!
xmas text #18
dan: i got you a children's choir for christmas. they sing carols but replace every other word with sam.
me: we sam you sam merry sam...
dan: fa sam la sam la, sam la sam la.
xmas text #17
stranger: this is the text of christmas passed.
me: if only i had a font choice, i'd be the text of christmas futura.
xmas text #16
sarah: can you do anything with the pun "connoisseurus rex"?
me: no one will come to my restaurant after that dinosaur of a bad review. i'm being chased by a...
xmas text #15
jacobd: why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near?
me: i have a disease where i emit a hormone that attracts pigeons.
xmas text #14
stranger: i had a dream last night in which you were my waiter. i also recently had a dream featuring patrick cassels. i dno't know either of you.
me: cassels and reich: serving your dreams since 2007.
xmas text #13
amanda: happy birthday. you are my jesus.
me: i can't top that.
xmas text #12
lee: merry christmas, you jew bastard! if you're not a jew, please ignore.
me: i'm a jew and i accept your chiding!
xmas text #11
stranger: eskimos can't dunk.
me: i thought barkley was an eskimo.
stranger: barkley is white.
me: i see why i was confused.
xmas text #10
stranger: don't forget to tip your waitress.
me: tip her into what? the dessert tray?
xmas text #9
stranger: what did you get for christmas?
me: some really nice coal. you?
stranger: just fancy tar and designer sulfur.
xmas text #8
stranger: flick says he saw some grizzly bears near pulaski's candy store!
me: gummy bears, paulie. gummy bears in pulaski's candy store. don't you go causing another town scare...
xmas text #7
katie: happy fatmas!
me: fatty holidays!
katie: chubby chanukah!
me: cardiac arrest kwanzaa?
writeroom →
i’m reblogging this from ricky in order to remember to download it later. god, i love sensitive apps.
ten course meal →
was my secret santa present for my boss and friend, josh abramson, who runs collegehumor and has long had a quiet but sophisticated food fetish. i asked him to review new york city tasting menus, and he just published his first post. whether you live in manhattan or not, i think you’ll like his young and articulate perspective. follow him!
xmas text #6
stranger: merry holidays!
me: happy marigolds!
stranger: i'm a jew. all nondenominational greetings are weird to me.
me: unhappy holocaust?
xmas text #5
stranger: how many sam reichs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
me: i tend to work by candlelight...
xmas text #4
stranger: my parents put ginger beer in my stocking. are they losing it?
me: loose beer in a sock?! wring that sucker dry!
xmas text #3
dalas: bored? go wassailing!
me: what's wassailing? a new, hip term for web surfing? sailing in wasabi?
dalas: caroling.
me: is my face red-nosed reindeer.
xmas text #2
stranger: hey, i follow you on tumblr. i am bored out of my skull. is it too weird to text someone you don't know? probably...
me: i don't think it's weird at all! let's play a game. tag, you're it.
stranger: damn! how does one play tag via txt?
me: you lose!
xmas text #1
justin: i'll tell you who's not bored over the holidays. mother fucking santa. so show some consideration please.
me: santa? is that... you?
justin: yes, and i'm fucking drunk!
bored over the holidays! text me at 347-675-2367 and i’ll post the dialogues here.
tumblr search
as you can see on my tumblr site, i have a little search box, as you type results will pop up! - jacob christ, jacob. please make this available to all.
red curtain movies →
enjoy the limited run of this awesome pirated movie site.
man, obama's really phoning it in →
“i’m going to cry so hard at your wedding, people are going to think...”
– katie
i kid you not: this movie is about a killer vagina →
“everyone at this office is 100 times funnier than the funniest person at my...”
– dantern
Watchhigh times editorial office: episode three
Watchhardly working: nut tappers!
how many five year olds could take you in a fight →
i scored 25
